im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize