LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
