I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
