i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
