College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So much rum. So many feels.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
