Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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