What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
