my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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