The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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