I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
