A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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