whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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