You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
