Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
