theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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