i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
