You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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