I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
