My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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