Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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