Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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