fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize