the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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