honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
