so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
