Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
