if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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