Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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