He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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