I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
