something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
