I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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