Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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