Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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