she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize