ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
