ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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