We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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