After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
