whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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