yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
