all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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