I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
