i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
