Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize