Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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