i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
