I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
