It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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