I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
