Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
