And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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