ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize