My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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