Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize