So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
