just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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