Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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