Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
