did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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