"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
