Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
