I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my liver is dry heaving
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
