why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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