Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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