We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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