the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
