My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
