So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
barbara walters just said penis...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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