I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
