I've blown a few things in my day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
