I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
