I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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