I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
