did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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