i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
