I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
