i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
