Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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