dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
