'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
