Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
