You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize