Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
