how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
