I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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