Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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