I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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