a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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