well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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