how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
