that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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