I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
