Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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