i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
