Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize