Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
