umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
a search helicopter?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
