I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
