Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
