I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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