somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
