no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
