I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
