one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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