fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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