I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
