All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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