WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize