He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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